Warning: If you work for.....let me rephrase that: if you are employed by the City of Milwaukee or know people who are, you're damned likely to get offended by this post, so maybe you better just pack it in and watch Seinfeld. I'd like to point out that it is not directed at hard-working police and city employees who actually do shit.
Those of you who have the luxury of garages might not know that to park on the city streets, you have to have a plastic decal on the inside of your back window. Every quarter, the police love to aggressively ticket people who haven't renewed their vows of love for the city. Trying to be forward-thinking, I decided to purchase an annual sticker to avoid any "lag in permit" tickets. It cost me $48 in January and was firmly attached to the inside window of my Integra on that fateful night when it was stolen.
It may come to a surprise to some of you, but the thieves opted not to remove the decal, ring my doorbell, give it to me, and bid me good night. For weeks, I had a rental car, sans-permit and narry a ticket did I receive. Coincidentally, Mum's purchase of her new car fell after the beginning of the second quarter, which left her old car (now my new car) parked on the street right in the kill zone.
The vultures didn't waste any time, and upon the first night parking on the street in the new quarter, I was awarded a delicious twenty-dollar citation. Now, this in and of itself, I can live with. Allegedly there is a number that you can call to ask permission 3x a month to park on the city streets in case you are over at your girlfriend's house with your wife's car. Fuck if I know what that number is, so whatever. I understand the appeal of a hot box of Krispy Kremes to the officer with the most tickets.
What pisses me off is what's happened in the last 24 hours. Yesterday, I went down to the fifth district police station to transfer my parking permit. I wasn't even going to dispute my ticket because hell, what is there to contest? I explain the sad tale of how my car was stolen, and with it my parking permit and am told that he "can't help me." You'll need to call this number between 8-5 tomorrow. Fine.
Today I called the number. I spoke with a girl with an attitude. In the beginning, I made it a point to be very nice in explaining my plight, leaving out the usual sarcasm. This is what our conversation was like right before I cursed her out and hung up:
Girl: I know your car got stolen, but did you remove your decal from your car before it got stolen.
Me: *Long pause*
Girl: Sir? Sir?
Me: I don't know what I was thinking. I should have taken it out that night before they came. They told me that they were coming for the car and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Then they said "Vietnam rules!"
Girl: You can just tell me if the decal was in the car or not.
Me: Yes, it was in the car.
Girl: Well, then you need to go you another one.
Me: I was told to call you because you would be able to transfer it for me.
Girl: Nuh-uh.
Ok, here's the deal kids. If you ever say "nuh-uh" under any fucking circumstances at all, you are admitting to the world that you've given up on yourself, and you're a fucking dunce.
In any case, I went to the DMV on 6th Street. To park, I had to bribe a parking attendant $5 to let me park in the MATC-only parking lot. Solid.
The lady at the information counter was about as helpful as baseball bat against an H-bomb. The counter girl on the other hand, was very nice and helpful. I got out of there in no time at all, and then headed back to the District 5 cop shop.
Lady cop who helped me: nice. However, bottom line is: "The City of Milwaukee does not transfer night parking permits or decals, sir." My obvious question was "Then why does this form have a carbon copy? If you're not going to use the information that I give you to serve me, then why am I even filling out this form?" She had no answer, only that I'd need a new one.
Lesson learned: Don't you ever fucking plan ahead.
I don't have much else to say other than that if these fuckers spent less time writing parking tickets, eating donuts, and harassing black people, and more time serving and protecting, maybe my fucking car wouldn't have gotten stolen, and maybe I wouldn't be giving them more of my fucking money for a permit that I've already paid for.
